Achtung Baby

How to judge whether a movie is worth a dekho or not:

1. The production house has got nothing to do with "Yashraj" or "Dharma" productions.

2. There is no cross border (Veer Zara or Alvira Khan - Ricky Thakural) love story.

3. There are no songs shot in Switzerland, Times Square or any exotic locales.

4. Himmesh Reshammiya is not the music director.

5. Big B does not perform the song and dance routine at Waterloo station (or any other station for all I care).

6. Salman Khan does not take his shirt off or better if he doesn't make any appearance.

7. There are no Punjabi families - no balle balle, shava shava or mahive; no extravagant North Indians. I would like to draw attention to the fact that there are other many other communities in India viz. Maharashtrians, Tamilians, Mallus (yes there is a big difference between the two – all South Indians are not the same and anything below Maharashtra on the map cannot just be classified as South India), Gujrathis, Assamese (FYI they are Indians and not Chinese/Korean) et al.

8. SRK is not trying real hard to portray a 23-24 year old college guy, Rahul/Raj, clad in Tommy Hilfiger.

9. There is no Fair and Handsome (or its correlate) product placement throughout the movie.

10. It is not a miserably failed over the top remake of some Hollywood (or foreign) flick.

11. There is no unreasonable, tasteless humor (that makes you wonder am I the only one who is not laughing, what is wrong with the people) as well as there is no emotional melodrama of any kind.

12. There are no 3-4 bachelor roommates desperately trying to create humorous situations with their stupid acts and everyone hitting on the same girl

13. No weird camera angles that seem to feature exclusively on the actress's derriere.

14. The title of the movie does not include the article “The” or the director’s initials.

Achtung baby!